Remembering a Special Dad

Sorry I haven’t been blogging here much but I’ve been busy, having just released my second book, first novel, “Shrouded in Pompei.”  Writing priorities and life.

Fantino picnicYet, Dad’s Day is approaching. It’s a day that makes me miss my Dad all the more, even though I think of him every day. and have written about him both here and in my published memoir.  This year there seems to be a media push by today’s Dads, touting themselves as Fathers 2.0, claiming they are more emotionally connected, more hands on, more in touch with their kids, more everything. It’s not only self-aggrandizing but untrue.

My Dad could not have been more hands on, sometimes literally, ouch! My Dad was a divorced, weekend Dad, who made sure he was never further than across the street, down the block or at the other end of a phone. Weekends had him cooking, washing and keeping us thoroughly entertained, while teaching us to dance on top of his shoes or make a quick throw across home plate.

He taught me respect and he taught me love by example. He did not seek accolades. He knew he needed to be different from his father but he didn’t bring attention to it, he just did it, without searching for anything but always hoping for our love and respect, which he always had.

When he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease, his first thought was to get him into a drug trial. “Let me be the guinea pig so you kids don’t have to go through this.”  Even in his darkest time, he showed us strength and taught by example.

Now, don’t get me wrong, my Dad was not perfect. Just ask my sisters. He was generous with his love and attention but a strict, Sicilian-Calabrese father, tight with a penny. It was a Father’s Day joke when all three of us wound up giving him the same card, referencing this weakness.  He was also strict when it came to our dating choices and all the boys in Batter Up!the neighborhood knew not to mess with him. Yet, during one difficult heartbreak for me, he gently told me “don’t worry, he wasn’t the one for you.”  I was shocked and asked why he always seemed to like the guy. “If I had given you my opinion would you have listened? So I accepted your choice.”

I think I am quite a lucky girl to have been his daughter when I hear others who did not have a great relationship with their Dad. Maybe today’s Dads need to take a back seat while being front and center in their child’s life rather than trying to pat themselves on the back with their achievements. Children and how they live their lives should be reward enough for any father.

By the way Dad, I’m taking your favorite grandson to the stadium next week to see the Yanks crunch the BoSox. It’s Jeter’s final season. Can you believe it?

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